By Donald J Trump
Special to Little Big Town MT
For 40 years I have made millions, maybe tens of millions of dollars, off the labor of illegal aliens. That’s the real reason I want them deported. Frankly, I just owe them too much dough.
A while back the Washington Post ran a nasty article detailing how my new $200 million hotel in Washington, which will be absolutely the most fabulous hotel in Washington when its finished, and that’s not just me talking, that’s a lot of people I know who’ve told me that, is being built by a lot of illegal aliens. Liberals and Democrats want me to say “undocumented workers” but I don’t do that. There’s also people who want me to say ‘wetbacks,’ but I don’t do that either, because that’s a mean word and I am not mean or racist. Unless I have to be.
“I’m no rat and I don’t expect anyone else to be.”
You know I used to like the Washington Post, once upon a time it was a good newspaper but nowadays it’s not so good, it really isn’t. It’s staffed by a bunch of post-hippie potheads who all think they’re those two Watergate reporter guys, Siskel and Ebert. I guess that’s why they print nasty stuff about me I don’t know. I could be nasty to them right back, but I won’t. I’m a very rich man and I don’t make enemies. I destroy them. That’s what I do.
But without thinking too much about it, here’s my answer to them anyway: so what? I only hire illegal aliens because they are cheap and easy to exploit, okay? Of course, I don’t actually hire them, I delegate that, I manage that. I insist that all my subcontractors use legal workers, but c’mon this is New York City they’d lose their ass if they did that. You know what a real union laborer gets in New York? It’s unbelievable. It’s like $175 an hour, maybe $250 an hour if you include their benefits. And I’m just talking a laborer, a grunt. A skilled worker like a bricklayer, a steelworker, or an electrician, or a plumber, you can double that or forget it. Trust me, I’m one of the biggest builders in the City and I know what I’m talking about here. The politicians don’t. Barack Obama, he doesn’t have a clue.
Another thing about union guys is they’re all lazy. Union guys spend four hours a day sitting on their asses, drinking coffee, farting, goofing off, moving equipment they’ve broken or breaking equipment they’ve just moved and asking passing young ladies to share intimacies with them, or describing procedures they would like to attempt with them, or show to them, I tell you, they’re disgusting. Actually that last bit is pretty funny, and the ladies know it’s all in good fun, they really do. The guys are just busting their balls. Show me a woman who doesn’t like a good catcall from an in-shape hard working American guy and I’ll show you a real dog, a feminist like Rosie O’Donnell or Heidi Klum.
Anyway, illegal guys, they’ll work hard ten hours a day and if you do catch them jerking around you can say ‘Hey Jose, want me to ICE your ass back to Tacos, New Mexico?’ They straighten right out. So they’re good workers, that’s another reason I hire them. I mean I don’t hire them, I tell my contractors not to hire them, but I don’t make a big deal about who my contractors hire. I’m no rat and I don’t expect anyone else to be. That’s the way I’ve managed my business for more than 40 years, and that’s the way I’ll manage America. No rats.
For a building as magnificent as Trump Tower we had to hire 10,000 workers. That’s why I’ll be such a good jobs guy. Not jobs for over-priced union guys, not jobs for guys who expect to make a living, but jobs for guys who want to earn as much as an illegal alien – enough to barely get by.
That’s the Trump promise: Make American great again by making me richer.