The Scourge of Bongo Music

From The Perry Mason TV Project

Audrey-Hepburn-and-the-beatniks-in-Funny-Face

Beatniks terrorize anonymous young woman “Audrey H.” with bongo dance

Perry Mason Episode No. 126. The Case of the Missing Melody

IMDb Title: The Scourge of Bongo Music Foretold

Season 5 episode 3

Once again a Perry Mason episode leads the charge in the cultural wars, warning of the perils of bongo music to our Youth.

This episode features another PM appearance by jazzman Bobby Troup, this time playing a Beatnik character named “Bongo” and he smokes cigarettes too, letting them dangle suggestively from his lips. I wonder what that means? And he calls everybody “baby.” Ugh.

Anyway, our heroine, innocent, pure Polly Courtland, played by the luscious Jo Morrow, is beguiled into trying to marry a hipster named Eddie or Eddy King (James Drury, shortly before his ramrod ride as The Virginian). She wisely dodges him, only to be later entangled in the murder of a degenerate musician George Sherwin.  What music do we hear in the background as Polly flees the murder scene? Bongo music of course! Do you need it spelled out for you?

The forces of law and order, in the person of Lt. Tragg, arrest Eddie, who then becomes Perry’s client. There is some confusion as to who was trying to blackmail Polly’s father, a wealthy businessman as always. This should serve as a warning to anyone yearning for ostentatious wealth. You never read about anybody blackmailing poor people do you?

Perry uses one of his favorite tricks on the prosecution by sending a similar, but different, young lady to “test the recollection of a witness.”

“A typical attempt to throw dust in the prosecution’s eyes,” thunders Hamilton Burger. But the liberal judge lets it slide. Why does Mason always get away with this?

There are several traps laid bare for our youth to see in this show. French cigarettes. Young ladies with uncovered heads tossing ‘bones’ with gamblers. Photographs. Fins on automobiles. Walter Burke.

But in the end, the murderer is exactly who you think it should be- someone degraded by years of listening to bongo music. There’s no melody to such trash, hence our episode’s title. If only we had listened, the Vietnam War could have been avoided. We need a president like Perry Mason who will build a wall between decent Americans and bongo music. And make the Beatniks pay for it!

 

Buncha damn Beatniks

Get a job ya buncha damn Beatniks!!

Wittich Blames Bad Deal with Beelzebub for Recent Woes

Bozeman Lawyer Plans to Sue Devil for Contract Violation

wittich

Rep. Art Wittich : Spittin’ mad at his Malevolent Master

 

Former Montana State Senator Art Wittich (R-Belgrade) has publicly criticized Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, for failing to protect him from a recent loss in court that could send him to prison.

“Ten years ago I sold my soul to His Satanic Majesty in exchange for worldly possessions and success. Now what do I get? Shipped off to the hoosegow by twelve Walmart rednecks.”

Wittich referred to a recent decision holding him responsible for violating the state’s anti-dark money campaign finance laws. The decision in early April enraged the Republican ambulance-chaser.

“Montana! A state full of cowturd lovers, drunken hunters and their flabby-assed women. Morons. You can steal them blind if you just tell them you’re setting them ‘free.’

“If it weren’t for my lucrative work with Greg Gianforte blocking the hillbillies from their own state lands and water I’d have hardly any reason to stick around this dump”

Nevertheless, Wittich insisted he would still sue the Devil for breach of contract.

Beelzebub (artists interpretation)

Mr. Beelzebub

“My ascendancy over this state was supposed to be easy. The Prince of Demons and His allies, the Koch and the Wilks boys, assured me it was a done deal.

“We got off to a good start. Look at all the marvelously wicked things we accomplished in the 2010 Montana Legislature. We almost gutted Obamacare. We even undid the Medical marijuana bill passed overwhelmingly by the voters in 2008. Potheads are all Democrats. A Republican sticks to well drinks.”

When asked if he fears repercussions from the Lord of Darkness for filing his lawsuit, Wittich scoffed.

“I already live in hell!”

Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness, is on a family vacation with Wall Street Journal owner Rupert Murdoch and could not be reached for comment.