We’re just telling truth to evil
[It was comedian Bill Maher who named the orangeman running for President of the United States on Friday, May 26.]
Who is Pumpkinhead, and why is he in the news so much?
What ensorcellment allowed this monster to climb forth from his pumpkin patch, sunder his skin of gourd, tear loose the vines of earthblood, sprout legs in mockery of humans, and befoul the world with his incomprehensible words? Which witch is responsible for this? C’mon, spill the beans.
Was it you, Samatha Stevens? Or perhaps your bitter mother, Endorra? Maybe your teenage daughter Tabitha? Long Island Medium Theresa Caputo? Smell a reality show in this? Take off before we drop a house on you all.
Damned be the beldam who cursed mankind with this unkind nest of resentment, racism and lies!
And what of his military expertise?
Pumpkinhead craves mortal acclaim. His military expertise was gained in his youth at a toy soldier school. It wa
s a military style boot camp where rich kids get sent by domineering fathers. The type of poor rich kids Shirley Temple helped out. Pumpkinhead says he got “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.”
This will come in handy when he controls the greatest military machine the world has ever seen. Better than that loser Sen. John McCain, who was loser enough to get caught in the Vietnam War. McCain, ten years older than Pumpkin, spent five years locked in a cage by the Communists.
There McCain endured five years of torture, by fist, boot and hate. He was beaten and tortured to coerce him into denouncing his country, so it could used in propaganda videos. He refused. Not everyone did.
No matter to Pumpkinhead. He’s only a hero because he got caught and suffered. The Pumpkin suffered through two wives who got old, fat and ugly. He’s got an option on this last one, but so far okay.