Disgraced MT-GOP Chair Jeffrey Beauregard Essmann
By Lance Grider
Jeff Essmann, Chairman of the Montana Republican Party abruptly resigned last month, citing a controversial new gaffe made by “that blabbermouth Donald Trump.”
“That’s it for the Montana Republican Party. We’re dead,” Essmann admitted to Little Big Town MT.
But the boner Essmann credits with damaging his party is not Trump’s latest howler, made May 10th at the White House, when he dimwittedly revealed classified information to a roomful of high-ranking Russian spies.
Instead, Essmann says the damage came in late March, when Trump discovered that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. “Does anyone know that? (A) lot of people don’t know that,” Trump told his usual discombobulated fan club.
That information was kept top-secret by the Montana Republican Party for well over a century, said Essmann.
“If the rank and file of our people realize that Abraham Lincoln—a liberal who freed human slaves—was a Republican, Montanans won’t vote for another Republican in a hundred years.
“We’d managed to keep that a secret for so long, like forever. Now that big mouth has spilled the beans.”
Montana GOPpers kept the legend of Abraham Lincoln HIDDEN for over 100 years–until Trump!
Speaker of the Montana House Austin Knudsen, echoed Essmann’s bleak assessment of his party’s future. He too blamed the inexperienced and bombastic New York entrepreneur.
“It isn’t Jeff’s fault that the party’s future is stinko. It’s that damned Trump! He shoots from the hip. Right at his own mouth.”
Former MMA wrestler Greg Gianforte, usurper of Montana’s sole congressional seat, admitted Trump’s announcement caught him unprepared.
“Donald Trump has the brain of a goldfish. He knows nothing about American history. He’s never read a book–not even the ones with his names on them. He fires any Poindexter who does. How could he have found out Lincoln was a Republican?”
Speaker Knudsen agreed, asking “Who told him? Who? You know, he’s actually a Democrat.”
Gianforte admitted he has special reasons to despise the Railsplitter.
“Abraham Lincoln sent a gang of federal gun-grabbers to steal my great-grandfather’s guns. They stole everything else too, even the human slaves my great-grandpappy owned. Why? Because it was 1920?” explained Gianforte. “The slaves didn’t even need the Yankees to do anything except remove their chains. They watched the Yankee troops march down the road, and they all ran away as soon as supper was over.
“So I know all about suffering at the hands of liberals like Rob Quist and Abraham Lincoln.”
Our Dear Leader Donald Trump summons forth the essence of Abu bin Lincoln
‘Salsa Solution’ Cheaper than Building Walls guesses Der Furor
Der Furor demands you look at the size of his meat! It’s yuge!
Willkommen bei allen neuen deutschen Freunden von PI.net! Hier bei www.littlebigtownmt.com finden Sie eine neue unabhängige Stimme, halten Sie informiert mit allen Segen der amerikanischen Geschenk an die Welt der freien Rede! Unser Land das letzte Geschenk an die Welt ist Präsident Donald Trump (Der Furor) ! Ich weiß, er sieht einfach-minded, verlogen und unehrlich, aber lassen Sie sich nicht davon täuschen. Er wird Sie von der Pussy in kürzester Zeit packen! Bleiben Sie Angstfrei!
This is crazy I know, but I’m hearing from a lot of places that Der Furor is a cannibal.
Now, I don’t want to believe this. In fact, I’m saying right now it’s not true. But a lot of people I know are saying that Der Furor is a cannibal. I’ve spoken to investigators and psychiatrists and reliable media people like Alex Jones, people who really know, and they’re all talking about it. Someone needs to look into this, they really do. After all, we have as much proof as anything Der Furor says.
Look, he had all these people running against him for president, where are they? Where are they now? Remember when he had 10, 15, 20 goofballs running against him to be on top of that GOP totem pole, where are they? Where are they now, do you see any of them?
No you don’t because he ate them. Der Furor ate 20, 30 guys running against him for president. It’s crazy. It’s crazy, I know. But that’s what I’m hearing.
Why isn’t Der Furor in jail for eating people? Why isn’t he on Rikers Island, that nasty place in New York City where all those Law & Order cops stash their bad guys, it’s really nasty I hear. He deserves to be there folks he really does, he’s a bad dude.
But you will never see the Republican controlled congress put Der Furor on trial and send him to prison for cannibalism, it’ll never happen, it’s a complete scam. Why? Why?
The National Enquirer, they ran a story about Der Furor munching on a kid he picked out of an L.A. crowd once, a little Hispanic kid, he threw his parents a couple of pesos, but you can’t find it anywhere. Why? Have you ever asked yourself why you cannot find any stories about Der Furor eating children?
Have you ever asked yourself why you cannot find any stories about Der Furor eating children?
Because Der Furor is a rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich guy. But not as rich as he and the kids are gonna be.
That’s why you’ll never read about it, except here, on Little Bigtown MT. All those other media places, they’re scared. All they care about is money. They don’t care if Putin’s Puppet eats people.
He admitted it to the whole world back on Cinco de Mayo – “I love to eat Hispanics!” What do you suppose was in that taco bowl? Who was in that taco bowl is what you should ask.
“I Love Hispanics–They’re delicious”
GOPpers don’t care if he eats Mexican-Americans. They don’t care if he eats grandpas. They don’t care if he eats grandmas. They don’t care if he eats babies. Oy yoy yoy, the man eats human babies! And nobody cares. Nobody does anything! Here, Tweet us, don’t eat us Mein Furor. What a feedbag.
UPDATE: TRUMP INVITES FELLOW CANNIBAL DUTERTE TO CHEW THE FAT
Der Furor recently invited gourmet dictator Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte to foul the nation’s home, the White House. Der Furor admires Duterte’s style of “leadership” and hopes to pick up some ‘table tips.’
Who farted? He did!