Montana politicians describe how they felt when The Donald engaged in some “locker room fun”
The Trump White House today confirmed that the wives of two of Montana’s three congressional representatives had their genitals groped by Donald Trump in their initial meetings.
“It’s no big deal. It’s just who he is,” said Rep. Greg Gianforte. “We knew the media would try to make some fake news out of this so we kept it quiet.”
“He doesn’t mean anything by it. This is just the way Washington works under Mr. Trump,” shrugged Senator Steve Daines. “Golly, I sure have no problem with it. Neither does Cindy, I guess.”
“Nothing Donald Trump does can be illegal,” stressed Gianforte. “He’s the president. What he says now is not campaign promises, it’s the law. You want to get a tax cut don’t you? ” He added that, like Daines, he believed his wife, Susan, also had no problems with the Mr. Trump’s busy hands.
“We both recognize the superior manliness of Donald Trump. He has a huge brain, a great brain. And he knows the best words. He knows more about fighting than all the admirals and generals,” Gianforte told LittleBigTownMT.
“And he has the biggest penis, believe me, believe me,” added Daines.
Gianforte and Daines are both Republicans. The state’s third congressman is a Democrat and immune to Trump’s tiny hands.
Asked by LittleBigtownMt to comment on the groping incidents, White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders neither denied nor affirmed them. However, she did defend her boss’ vulgar attack on the “outdated” values of good manners and morals.
“Yeah, your president is a pudenda predator. So what? Every woman who comes to the White House can expect Donald Trump to eventually paw her vagina, unless she’s a real dog. That’s just Donald Trump being Donald Trump. He’s a strong, forceful alpha male, and he’s what Americans voted for. Got a problem with that?”
Sanders then berated all mainstream media journalists who were “not smart enough to choose a profession that pays a decent salary.”
“Look kids, this is the new world order of our Furor, a man who was elected without the help of Russia, but with the biggest vote in human history. If you’re not man enough to hold your own against a childish insult from the world’s most powerful bully, then you’re a cuck like Crooked Hillary.
“Besides, President Trump only insults people who deserve it. If that hurts your feelings, then get out of politics, stay at home, and watch the Voice instead,” added the fat ugly pig.
Bozeman millionaire Gianforte was the first to detail his story to LittleBigtownMt. The incident happened after his special election win in March.
“Mr. Trump invited Susie and me down to Mar-a-Lago, his resort in Florida. It’s a beautiful place and we were quite honored. It wasn’t cheap, but it was reasonable–he thinks I’m another billionaire. Anyway, he invited us to meet him privately in the Roy Cohn Discotheque. It was just the four of us, Susie and I, Mr. Trump and his wife Harmonica. After I introduced Susie to him, he reached forward to pull her arm and said, ‘C’mere you! Ah, you’re a beauty, you really are. Lemme do this. Lemme do this. Lemme grab your pussy, okay? It’s an honor, you know, it really is. I just do it for luck now.’ And then he playfully reached underneath her dress and squeezed her bazinga.
“I think Susan responded very well by politely going ‘Whee!’ and laughing. They say that’s what Ted Cruz’ wife did. And we all laughed.
“It was all done in fun, probably,” Gianforte. “That’s what his lawyers told us. Like the White House bouncer said, ‘This is what you have to do be somebody in the Republican Party nowadays.’ I agree. I personally have no problem with the President of the United States putting his hands on my wife’s hoo-ha. But I’m sure CNN or MSNBC will wring some fake news out of it.
“Like my good friend Donald Trump Junior says, ladies who can’t take a little sexual harassment don’t belong in public.”
Senator Daines and his wife Cindy’s first encounter with Trump also happened at the Mar-a-Lago resort, in late December of 2016, but on the roller coaster.
“I thought it was funny that the president—he was president-elect back then–wanted to sit up front with Cindy. But that meant I got to sit in the back with Melanica. Fair trade. He told Cind he wanted to show her the ‘bone spur’ that kept him out of the Vietnam War–he winked when he said that. I still don’t know why he took his pants off. But a couple minutes later I heard her go ‘OH! I mean –Whee!’ and giggle. So, yeah, it was most likely in good fun.”
Daines and Gianforte were emphatic that they would offer no challenge to Trump’s superior masculinity.
“Donald Trump is a man, a strong man, he a real man. He’s a man with a new way of doing things. You have to let him do whatever he wants, and I want to help him. That’s why Montanans sent me here,” said Gianforte.
“All this genital-grabbing talk is nothing, just like all that Russian Collusion talk. The Democrats hate that Donald Trump is a winner. I want to be a winner too, not a loser. Losing is a sin,” Daines said.
Gianforte fairly gushed over two of Trump’s closet advisors being real live Nazis. “The late Steve Bannon and that Hungarian whiskers guy, what’s-his-name, Grabber Marx? So, when Donald promises a new world order to make America great again, he’s got a lot of Sneaky Petes who can change things, in the worst way.
“He’s a new president, with a new way of doing things. Grabbing women by the bargain basement is one. Who cares? There is no right or wrong anymore.”
Finally, Daines spoke laughingly of another brief encounter with Mr. Trump, when he threatened to have sex with his wife.
“He pulled me aside at Hobby Lobby’s “Dixie Days” celebration for Strom Thurmond. During the open bar, he pointed to Cindy, and told me, ‘I’m gonna move on her, I know she’s married, but I don’t care. I’m gonna fuck her.’ Just like he said he would to that hot television gal, Nancy Whatsername.”
“I said — ‘But Mr. President, that’s my wife!’”
“ ‘Oh, is she? Well, no wonder she was so grateful. I’m kidding, I’m kidding,’ ” recalled Daines with a laugh that ended in a sick smile. He then recovered and added a warning.
“Donald Trump has a hands-on approach to business. I’ll do whatever it takes to be liked. You know, Fox & Friends needs to give us a new word to describe President Donald Trump. Maybe Maybe His Greatness, or the Czar of Tweet.”