What Mysterious Foe Makes Zinke Slinky?

Living in fear: Ryan Zinke

Living in fear: Ryan Zinke

He was a too-powerful foe facing down Democrat John Lewis last November.

If you want a representative in Washington who can sneak up behind Caliph Ibrahim, slit his throat open, and escape without making a sound, think Ryan Zinke.

If you want a man who knows how to machine-gun the front rows at the al Quaida reunion picnic, then paddle his dinghy undetected across the Euphrates River, and later eat that dinghy for sustenance in the desert, yet still poop out a full clip of vulcanized rubber ammo from it, think Zinke.

The United States government spent millions of taxpayer dollars to turn Ryan Zinke and his fellow Navy Seals into the most lethal killers on Earth. They’re trained to follow orders.

Yet Ryan Zinke lives in fear. He is afraid.  Why?

He’s afraid because there exists a foe right here in Montana so terrifying, so frightening, he cannot comprehend it. An opponent Zinke so dreads he slinks away in terror.

Who can it be?!

Is it ISIS? The Predator? The Terminator? The Alien? The Predator Versus The Terminator Versus The Alien, Parts One, Two and Three? What could make Zinke slinky?

Get ready. Here it comes:

It’s a 30-year-old woman sitting in a Billings doctor’s office with affordable health insurance.

It’s a 60-year-old man in Butte who’s too young for Medicare, too “rich” for Medicaid, but without a job that offers insurance. It’s a rancher near Roundup with diabetes who was refused insurance because of his “prior health condition.”

It’s any one of the 40,000 other Montanans from Yaak to Alzada who have health coverage for the first time in years thanks to “Obamacare.”

The tens of thousands of Montanans who can now see a doctor thanks to Barack Obama’s Affordable Care Act make Ryan Zinke turn yellow. He slaps his hands over his ears and runs away.

Mr. Zinke thinks it’s cost-effective for the federal government to spend millions to train killers, but not to prevent the flu. That scenario is a “disaster.”

Zinke spent years in the Montana Legislature following the orders of wealthy out-of-state billionaires. Now they’ve hired him to follow their orders in Congress.

Ryan Zinke: No crybaby PTSD here. Think Karl Rove with guts instead of a gut.

Zinke is ready to follow in the footsteps of America’s other military leaders who stepped out of the ranks of battle to become rank politicians. Men like Old Scratch and Sniff himself, Gen. Zachary Taylor. Or Lead-by-Parade Gen. George McClellan.

What did Zinke’s opponent John Lewis ever do except serve Montana by learning how Washington works for years as Max Baucus’s aide? He only knows how to help people. Too bad he didn’t kill anybody.

Dinesh D’Souza Kept D’Penis in D’Pants for Bozeman Rally

Dinesh D'Souza

Dinesh D’Souza, babe magnet

Convicted liar, adulterer, wife beater and political pornographer Dinesh D’Souza was the keyhole attraction at a meeting of the Gallatin Valley GOP on October 4, 2014.

D’Souza delighted his fans eager to hear about the William Ayers-Obama-Hillary Clinton conspiracy that forced him to commit adultery two years ago, as determined by the right-wing World Magazine. D’Souza was subsequently asked to resign from his presidency of King’s College, a New York City Bible college (!), in October of 2012.

Aside from being a well-paid figurehead, D’Souza taught classes in Situation Ethics and the “Ten Suggestions” at King’s College.

Since then, D’Souza has gained fame as an irrational and unintentionally funny critic of President Obama. For example, it was apparently Obama’s fault when, earlier last year, Dinesh dished that he willingly broke a well-known campaign finance law and pled guilty.

“I cannot believe how stupid I was, how careless, and how irresponsible,” D’Souza told the court. “I took a short-cut, knowing that there was a campaign limit and tried to get around the limit. This should not have happened, and I am ashamed and contrite that it did.”

D’Souza now realizes it was mind-altering microwaves beamed from the eyeballs of William Ayers, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton that were behind his actions, and not free will.

Similarly, his decision to divorce Dixie, his wife of 20 years, was also likely caused by Obamawaves, he guessed. His wife had gotten old and ugly requiring him to slap her around. As a famous “conservative” author, he deserved a young trophy wife.

Nevertheless, D’Souza pointed out that, for the sake of appearances, he did not check into a hotel room with just any young woman during his stay in Bozeman.

“She had to be really hot,” he said, licking his lips while making goo-goo eyes. Still, he added that any possible indiscretion on his part would have been the fault of Obama.

Daines Uses More Government to Solve Veterans Problem

Congressman Steve Daines is once again bragging about how big government can solve problems for Americans.

In a current television ad, the Daines campaign touts the Tea Party candidate’s resourcefulness in using his political clout to get flags put on grave markers for veterans.

According to the ad, current Veterans Administration policy disallows anyone but family from putting a memorial on a grave in a veterans’ cemetery such as the Yellowstone County Veterans’ Cemetery.  Daines’ ad states that dead homeless veterans were thus being treated unjustly.

Daines claims he “successfully secured a commitment from the VA that this problem would be fixed” and even “cosponsored legislation to amend the new headstone policy, which was ultimately reversed by the VA last year.”

The ad makes no mention of anything Mr. Daines has or might do to help still-living homeless veterans.

Because that would take real leadership.