Traitor Trump gets Impaled by Vlad

“Hey Vlad, how much money do I get for the launch codes again?”

 

Der Furor Receives Orders to Collect Voter Info from Boss Putin

 

Russian agent Donald Trump used a meeting with world leaders to collect further instructions from his Moscow puppet-master Vladimir Putin.

The meeting occurred in full view of the public earlier this July in Berlin.

“Der Furor is secure that the blatancy of his betrayal will be excused by his 36-percenter minions,” declared Vice President Mike Pence, not really knowing why.

“The people who voted for me are very, very loyal and very, very stupid. Exactly as Steve said they would be,” Trump explained, referring to a policy devised by his neo-Nazi advisor and boyfriend, UnterFuror Steve Bannon.

Following those orders just this week, Traitor Trump initiated the Soviet, I mean, Russian instructions on how to track down and punish all his opponents.

On Thursday, July 19, the Mad King gave new orders to his henchmen to collect the names, addresses, phone numbers and online names of every voter in America.

The information is scheduled to be handed over to UnterFuror Bannon who will then pass the information along to his cyberthugs.

“Dick and pussy pictures,” promised Bannon with a wicked laugh. “It’s amazing how many people you can hurt with pussy  and dick shots showing up in their Facebook profile.”

“After that, the concentration camps will be built,” said Trump. “They will be beautiful, absolutely beautiful camps, let me tell you. They’ll be made in America, too. The inmates will build them. They’ll be free. I mean, no money, the inmates will work for them. Work makes you free.”

“Work makes you free! I like that,” laughed Bannon.

Montana GOP Chair Resigns, Blames ‘Blabbermouth’ Trump

Disgraced MT-GOP Chair Jeffrey Beauregard Essmann

By Lance Grider

Jeff Essmann, Chairman of the Montana Republican Party abruptly resigned last month, citing a controversial new gaffe made by “that blabbermouth Donald Trump.”

“That’s it for the Montana Republican Party. We’re dead,” Essmann admitted to Little Big Town MT.

But the boner Essmann credits with damaging his party is not Trump’s latest howler, made May 10th at the White House, when he dimwittedly revealed classified information to a roomful of high-ranking Russian spies.

Instead, Essmann says the damage came in late March, when Trump discovered that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. “Does anyone know that? (A) lot of people don’t know that,” Trump told his usual discombobulated fan club.

That information was kept top-secret by the Montana Republican Party for well over a century, said Essmann.

“If the rank and file of our people realize that Abraham Lincoln—a liberal who freed human slaves—was a Republican, Montanans won’t vote for another Republican in a hundred years.

“We’d managed to keep that a secret for so long, like forever. Now that big mouth has spilled the beans.”

 

Montana GOPpers kept the legend of Abraham Lincoln HIDDEN for over 100 years–until Trump!

 

Speaker of the Montana House Austin Knudsen, echoed Essmann’s bleak assessment of his party’s future. He too blamed the inexperienced and bombastic New York entrepreneur.

“It isn’t Jeff’s fault that the party’s future is stinko. It’s that damned Trump! He shoots from the hip. Right at his own mouth.”

Former MMA wrestler Greg Gianforte, usurper of Montana’s sole congressional seat, admitted Trump’s announcement caught him unprepared.

“Donald Trump has the brain of a goldfish. He knows nothing about American history. He’s never read a book–not even the ones with his names on them. He fires any Poindexter who does. How could he have found out Lincoln was a Republican?”

Speaker Knudsen agreed, asking “Who told him? Who? You know, he’s actually a Democrat.”

Gianforte admitted he has special reasons to despise the Railsplitter.

“Abraham Lincoln sent a gang of federal gun-grabbers to steal my great-grandfather’s guns. They stole everything else too, even the human slaves my great-grandpappy owned. Why? Because it was 1920?” explained Gianforte. “The slaves didn’t even need the Yankees to do anything except remove their chains. They watched the Yankee troops march down the road, and they all ran away as soon as supper was over.

“So I know all about suffering at the hands of liberals like Rob Quist and Abraham Lincoln.”

Our Dear Leader Donald Trump summons forth the essence of Abu bin Lincoln

CANNIBAL DER FUROR PLANS TO EAT MEXICANS (Update)

‘Salsa Solution’ Cheaper than Building Walls guesses Der Furor

Donald Trump prefers human flesh

Der Furor  demands you look at the size of his meat! It’s yuge!

 

Willkommen bei allen neuen deutschen Freunden von PI.net! Hier bei www.littlebigtownmt.com finden Sie eine neue unabhängige Stimme, halten Sie informiert mit allen Segen der amerikanischen Geschenk an die Welt der freien Rede! Unser Land das letzte Geschenk an die Welt ist Präsident Donald Trump (Der Furor) ! Ich weiß, er sieht einfach-minded, verlogen und unehrlich, aber lassen Sie sich nicht davon täuschen. Er wird Sie von der Pussy in kürzester Zeit packen! Bleiben Sie Angstfrei!

 

This is crazy I know, but I’m hearing from a lot of places that Der Furor is a cannibal.

Now, I don’t want to believe this. In fact, I’m saying right now it’s not true. But a lot of people I know are saying that Der Furor is a cannibal. I’ve spoken to investigators and psychiatrists and reliable media people like Alex Jones, people who really know, and they’re all talking about it. Someone needs to look into this, they really do. After all, we have as much proof as anything Der Furor says.

Look, he had all these people running against him for president, where are they? Where are they now? Remember when he had 10, 15, 20 goofballs running against him to be on top of that GOP totem pole, where are they? Where are they now, do you see any of them?

No you don’t because he ate them. Der Furor ate 20, 30 guys running against him for president. It’s crazy. It’s crazy, I know. But that’s what I’m hearing.

Why isn’t Der Furor in jail for eating people? Why isn’t he on Rikers Island, that nasty place in New York City where all those Law & Order cops stash their bad guys, it’s really nasty I hear. He deserves to be there folks he really does, he’s a bad dude.

But you will never see the Republican controlled congress put Der Furor on trial and send him to prison for cannibalism, it’ll never happen, it’s a complete scam. Why? Why?

The National Enquirer, they ran a story about Der Furor munching on a kid he picked out of an L.A. crowd once, a little Hispanic kid, he threw his parents a couple of pesos, but you can’t find it anywhere. Why? Have you ever asked yourself why you cannot find any stories about Der Furor eating children?

Have you ever asked yourself why you cannot find any stories about Der Furor eating children?

Because Der Furor is a rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich guy. But not as rich as he and the kids are gonna be.

That’s why you’ll never read about it, except here, on Little Bigtown MT. All those other media places, they’re scared. All they care about is money. They don’t care if Putin’s Puppet eats people.

He admitted it to the whole world back on Cinco de Mayo – “I love to eat Hispanics!” What do you suppose was in that taco bowl? Who was in that taco bowl is what you should ask.

 

I LOVE TO EAT HISPANICS brags Trump

“I Love Hispanics–They’re delicious”

 

GOPpers don’t care if he eats Mexican-Americans. They don’t care if he eats grandpas. They don’t care if he eats grandmas. They don’t care if he eats babies. Oy yoy yoy, the man eats human babies! And nobody cares. Nobody does anything! Here, Tweet us, don’t eat us Mein Furor. What a feedbag.

 

UPDATE: TRUMP INVITES FELLOW CANNIBAL DUTERTE TO CHEW THE FAT

 

Der Furor recently invited gourmet dictator Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte to foul the nation’s home, the White House. Der Furor admires Duterte’s style of “leadership” and hopes to pick up some ‘table tips.’

 

 Who farted?

                    Who farted? He did!

Slavoj Žižek Explains Why the Pervert President Trump Matters

The world-famous psychoanalytical philosopher explains to Little Big Town Montana why Donald Trump must mean something

 

Slavoj Žižek (slav-voy ziz-shack) is a psychoanalytic philosopher, critic, and Hegelian Marxist. He is a senior researcher at the Institute for Sociology and Philosophy at the University of Ljubljana, Slovenia (formally part of Yugoslavia), teaches German at New York University, and is international director of the Birkbeck Institute for the Humanities at the University of London. This is his first essay for Little Big Town Montana.

 

By Slavoj Žižek

Special to Little Big Town Montana

 

Donald ‘Der Furor’ Trump is the ultimate pervert artist. He doesn’t give you what you desire – he tells you how to desire.

The problem for Trump is not are our desires satisfied or not. The problem is how does Trump know what we desire.

The one measure of Trump’s true love is: he can insult the other. Trump feels free because he lacks the very language to articulate his unfreedom.

Trump’s words are never ‘only words’; they matter because they define the contours of what he can do ­– just like Trump Pants!

When Trump is shown scenes of starving children in Africa, with a call for him to do something to help them, he understands that the underlying ideological message is something like: “Don’t think, don’t politicize, forget about the true causes of their poverty, just act, talk about contributing money, so that you will not have to think!”  Trump stands the unmoved mover, he always says its gum on his shoes.

If Trump has reasons to love someone, he doesn’t love them.

The readiness to not assume the guilt for the threats to the environment is deceptively reassuring. Trump knows we like to be guilty since, if we are guilty, it all depends on him. Suckers! Trump knows we pull the strings of catastrophe, but we save ourselves simply by changing our lives or maybe our linen.

Philosopher Zizek

What is bigly hard for Trump to accept is when he is reduced to the role of a passive observer who sits and watches what fate will be. To avoid this impotence, he engages in frantic, obsessive activities. He recycles old tweets, he buys new stuff, then sells it for profit or loss, he installs long-lasting light bulbs at Mar-A-Lago—a fabulous resort in a gorgeous Florida setting you should really look into—just so he can say he is doing a deal.

Trump makes his Presidential contribution like the football fan who supports his team in front of a TV screen at home, shouting and jumping from his seat, knowing the power of a president who is always right will influence the game’s outcome.

For Trump, love feels like a great misfortune, a monstrous parasite, a permanent state of emergency that ruins all small pleasures.  That explains Ivana anyway.

For Der Furor, humanity is okay, but 99 percent of people are boring idiots. Am I right or what?

Because the horror of liberalism, Hillary Clinton, is not that bad people do bad things — they always do. It’s that good people do horrible things thinking they are doing something great. It worked last November anyway.

Trump’s attitudes towards the other are characterized both by ignorance for otherness, rejection of them, and an obsessive fear of harassment. In short, the other is welcomed insofar as its presence is not intrusive, insofar as it is not really the other. Tolerance thus coincides with its opposite. Trump’s duty to be tolerant towards the other effectively means that he should not get too close to him or her, not intrude into their space—in short, that I should respect his intolerance towards my not having a 737. This is increasingly emerging as the central human right of advanced capitalist society: the right not to be ‘harassed’, that is, to be kept at a safe distance from others.

Der Furor’s true ethical test is not only the readiness to save victims, but also – even more, perhaps – the ruthless dedication to annihilating those who made them victims. Gary Busey told me that. It might have been Meatloaf.

The fact that a cloud from a minor volcanic eruption in Iceland—a small disturbance in the complex mechanism of life on the Earth—can bring to a standstill the aerial traffic over an entire continent is a reminder of how, with all its power to transform nature, humankind remains just another species on the planet Earth and that for Trump, volcanoes are the real cause of global warming.

Trump is extremely romantic. You know what is his fear? His postmodern, permissive, pragmatic etiquette towards sex. It’s horrible. He claims sex is healthy; it’s good for the heart, for blood circulation, it relaxes him. He even goes into how kissing is also good because it develops the muscles here – this is horrible, my God! It’s no longer that absolute passion. Trump likes this idea of sex as part of love, you know: ‘I’m ready to sell your mother into slavery just to fuck you Ivanka.’ There is something nice, transcendent, about it. He remains incurably romantic.

Der Furor told me a story. Once, a Russian FBG officer visited Jackson Pollock in his Jackson Pollock Hole, Wyoming, studio during the First Needless Mideast War. There he saw Drip No. 5 and, shocked at the modernist ‘chaos’ of the painting, asked Jackson: “Did you do this?” Jackson calmly replied: “No, Hillary Clinton did this.”  I’m pretty sure he made that up.

As soon as Trump renounces fiction and illusion, he loses reality itself; the moment he subtracts fictions from reality, reality itself loses its discursive-logical consistency.

The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is ‘Leave me alone; don’t harass me; I’m intolerant towards your over-proximity.”

Nowadays, Trump can do anything that he wants—anal, oral, fisting—but he needs to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection. Thank you Obamacare!

What for Trump is the Absolute? Something that appears to him in fleeting experiences–say, through the gentle smile of a beautiful woman before he swallows a Tic Tac, or even through the warm caring smile of a person who may otherwise seem ugly and fat. Think Rosie. In such miraculous but extremely fragile moments, another dimension transpires through his reality. As such, the Absolute is easily corroded; it slips all too easily through Trump’s fingers and must be handled as carefully as a butterfly.

What about animals slaughtered for Trump’s consumption? who among us would be able to continue eating pork chops after visiting a factory farm in which pigs are half-blind and cannot even properly walk, but are just fattened to be killed? Mm, ham sandwich thinks Trump. And what about, say, torture and suffering of millions we know about, but choose to ignore? Mm, ham sandwich thinks Trump. Imagine the effect of having to watch a snuff movie portraying what goes on thousands of times a day around the world: brutal acts of torture, the picking out of eyes, the crushing of testicles -the list cannot bear recounting. Would the watcher be able to continue going on as usual? Mm, ham sandwich thinks Trump. Yes, but only if he or she were able somehow to forget -in an act which suspended symbolic efficiency -what had been witnessed. His forgetting entails a gesture of what is called fetishist disavowal: “I know it, but I don’t want to know that I know, so I don’t know.” I know it, but I refuse to fully assume the consequences of this knowledge, so that I can continue acting as if I don’t know it.” Mm, ham sandwich thinks Trump.

Trump is a good Hegelian. If you have a good theory, forget about the reality.

Do not blame people and their attitudes: the problem is not corruption or greed, the problem is the system that pushes Trump to be corrupt. The solution is not, “Main Street, not Wall Street,” but to change the system so Main Street cannot function without Trump Tower.

 

Trump is a good Hegelian. If you have a good theory, forget about the reality

 

Beyond the fiction of reality, there is the banality of the Bannon.

Der Furor has no problems violating his own insights in practice.

Words are murder of a thing, not only in the elementary sense of implying its absence – by naming a thing, we treat it as absent, as dead, although it is still present – but above all in the sense of its radical dissection: the word ‘quarters’ the thing, it tears it out of the embedment in its concrete context, it treats its component parts as entities with an autonomous existence: we speak about color, form, shape, etc., as if they possessed self-sufficient being. Disaster.

In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which shit disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that shit is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. shit is supposed to disappear as quickly as possible. Finally, the American toilet presents a synthesis, a mediation between these opposites: the toilet basin is full of water, so that the shit floats in it, visible, but not to be inspected. […] It is clear that none of these versions can be accounted for in purely utilitarian terms: each involves a certain ideological perception of how the subject should relate to excrement. Hegel was among the first to see in the geographical triad of Germany, France and England an expression of three different existential attitudes: reflective thoroughness (German), revolutionary hastiness (French), utilitarian pragmatism (English). In political terms, this triad can be read as German conservatism, French revolutionary radicalism and English liberalism. […] The point about toilets is that they enable us not only to discern this triad in the most intimate domain, but also to identify its underlying mechanism in the three different attitudes towards excremental excess: an ambiguous contemplative fascination; a wish to get rid of it as fast as possible; a pragmatic decision to treat it as ordinary and dispose of it in an appropriate way. It is easy for an academic at a round table to claim that we live in a post-ideological universe, but the moment he visits the lavatory after the heated discussion, he is again knee-deep in ideology. Think Trump dump, see Trump dump.

Happiness was never important. The problem is that Trump doesn’t know what he really wants. What makes him happy is not to get what he wants but to brag about it. Happiness is for opportunists. So I think that the only life of deep satisfaction is a life of eternal struggle, especially struggle on one of your 18 golf courses around the world. If you want to remain happy, just remain stupid. And, like the song says, never make a pretty woman your wife. Authentic masters are never happy; happiness is a category of slaves.

Gianforte Vows Billions for ‘Schwarzeneggergate”

Schwarzenegger takes aim at rich but puny Bozeman target

Gianforte can’t wait to get cheat tips from Trump University himself.

 

BOZEMAN – Montana congressional candidate Greg Gianforte vows to spend “$50 to $60 billion dollars, whatever it takes” for Congress to investigate whether Arnold Schwarzenegger was fired or quit The Apprentice.

“My president, Donald Trump, knows it’s important, so I know it’s important. Montana knows it’s important. Or they will after I spent a couple million dollars on ads about it.”

President Donald Trump has repeatedly Tweeted about Schwarzenegger and his “failed” performance on the TV program created for Trump.

“Back in Jersey we would say Mr. Trump is ‘cheesed off.’ It’s obviously very important to him, a matter of pride, and why not? He invented that show to trick suckers into thinking he was still a ‘successful businessman.’ After the way he cheated thousands of average Americans out of their money, when he went bankrupt running those casinos in Atlantic City? And the suckers bought it again! Amazing!” laughed the evil Bozeman genius.

Gianforte said he was attracted to Montana in the 1980s, after he watched his father cheat a Martinsdale Hutterite farmer out of his cows for a handful of “magic beans.” He spent years studying the state, finally concluding that Montanans were the most gullible people in America.

“Montanans has a long history of being played for a sucker. I learned that reading about the Anaconda Company days. These squareheads want and deserve to have a champion who will always be on the side of billionaires. It’s time to give the power back to men of wealth and means. Like me!

“Look, Montana may not like this, but it’s time for Americans to put money first. I’ll tell them we’re getting Washington out of the way so our economy can prosper rich guys like me, and high-paying jobs can be created for my kids, not some trucker’s kids, and greater opportunities can exist to dump crap into Montana’s rivers, streams and trailer parks.

“But our Montana way of life will always be protected against The Terminator!”

Gianforte acknowledged that he and Trump had met last week to discuss plans for the state and country once Gianforte slicks his way into Ryan Zinke’s seat.

“President Trump and I discussed a lot of things. The need to repeal Obamacare. The need to investigate Obama’s illegal and sick wiretapping. The need to end Medicaid and Medicare, Social Security, and America’s most sacred cow of socialism, the Department of Agriculture.

“It’s a busy agenda, I admit, but [Schwarzeneggergate] has to be a priority. It’s gonna be my priority, anyway.”

But like his hero Trump, Gianforte, who spent most of his life in New Jersey, promises that he has “no intention of keeping his promises.”

Except to Arnold Schwarzenegger. “Hey, terminator. I promise—You, ya putz, will not be back!”

 

Montana Milisha Defents Agin Mooslums or Meksikins

By State Senator Cary L. Smith, R-Billings SD27

Special to Little Big Town MT

Recetnly I innerdooced a bill in the Montana legislator LC546  to arm and unnyform a Montana State Milisha. A lot of fokes is mad at me but they shudn’t be.

The milisha will only be called to defend Montanans in case of Mooslums or Meksikins. The ordernary Montaner guy or gal will prolly never have to serve. Only a libtard wuld object to defending his er her home and famly!!!!!!

Fokes is mostly mad that I want taxpayar munny to buy the unnyforms. Don’t lekchur ME about munney! This is about GUNS and why God$-feerin handsome gents like me PROTEK MY FAMLY!!!!!!

Unnyforms you need to hep you know who your frend er ennyme is. Who is Abner and who is Abdool can be clear impoortunt in the smoke & haze & noize of battul. I know, I bin thar menny times. In my past lifes I was a soljer in the Roamin armies, a meedevil night with a big damn ol’ shinny sward, a rascally Brigtish fightin lord fightin the Frenchies at Watterloo whilst fondling them Frenchy frawlines, and yes, even a US Calvryman under that idjit Genral Geo. Custer. [It took Crazy Horse hisseff to clim down off his ponny to whup me!!! Mebbe I’ll tell that storry later.]

Well ennyway to sum up short I think most Montanens support more fellers like me with GUNS!!!! Like I said, I rekon we wuld only be calt on to fight Mooslums or Meksicans. SEMPUR FIGT!

Major Dan Miller – Man, Myth, or Mope?

IMG_0295

That’s not just any grumpy 80-year-old on the radio– its Billings ‘character’ Major Dan Miller!

 

 The oral octagenarian is about as ‘politically incorrect’ as Rush Limbaugh in a Speedo

 

For better than 50 years he’s labored to become a Billings character. Still, many wonder: Who is ‘Major’ Dan Miller, a man, a myth –– or a mope?

Like all heroes, Major Miller is too humble for his own brags. Well, not really. But to keep it polite, others voices should step forward to testify. So let’s roll.

Man, woman and child, many peoples delight to the Major in small, bite-size chunks. He can be a winsome cicerone to the American treasury of memory-makers and heart-tuggers, those golden oldies from the mid ’50s to early ‘60s, the early era of rock and roll. Back in the Days,  when teenagers in love strolled through the whimsical lanes of doo-wop, shimmy-bop, and ring ting tang, chaperoned by beats from Tin Pan Alley.

On both his 5-hour Saturday morning radio show and a canned community access Channel 7 TV show, we hear that Voice. No ma’am, that isn’t Rush Limbaugh’s skinnier brother,  not even Sean Hannity‘s uninquisitive doppelganger, it’s Daniel George Miller of Billings Montana, playing the character he honed in his crackerbarrel days of the 1960’s and 70’s. In them days, media in the Magic City meant six or seven radio stations on the AM dial and two television stations. as KOOK (!) Radio’s favorite deejay. Back then, Magic City media meant six or seven radio stations on the AM dial.

[Historically, only fellow puppet Froggy Doo approaches The Major’s status as local legend.  Sadly, the Doo’s reputation never recovered from the hit it took a decade ago when he came out in support of the Taliban, a subject Miller wisely avoids.]

 

New Froggy solo

Taliban faux pas: Celebrated Billings ’60s icon Froggy Doo

(((Somewhere on the Internets it says Miller was awarded the brevet rank of major in the ’60s after taking a bullet meant for his commanding officer, Col. Harlan Sanders of Kentucky, while serving in Viet Nam. Details remain sketchy, but they were probably serving fried chicken.)))

It’s the era that makes the music of course, and the nascent rock music of the ’50s to early ’60s was mostly about being happy. Who wouldn’t want to hear that? Not that hip hop or rap is incapable of being Happy, but they’re mostly about fighting or fucking, like Country music, and those two pastimes don’t always get you to the first. So a doo wop Saturday should sound enticing.

But after playing virtually the same music for six decades, beginning at the now-defunct KOOK (!) Radio, the Major is stripped bare. Like most other Deejays, he’s come to the conclusion that his audience doesn’t need music, it  needs his advice. It needs the advice of an uneducated, anti-intellectual intellect to guard against tyranny – mostly the tyranny of facts.

I recall one head-slapping gaffe on a Saturday morning when the Major boldly announced how little he cared for the distinction between Annette Funicello and Shelley Fabares. “Didn’t she used to be a Mouseketeer or something?” he wondered after he had played 1962’s Johnny Angel. “Oh well, whatever.”

Begging your pardon Mr. Major sir, but the Mouseketeer was Annette, who had three pop hits, not one, and who was the wholesome onesy-filling star of Beach Blanket Bozo, etc., with fellow teenybopper idol Frankie Avalon.

Johnny was the angel whisper of Shelley Fabares, our dream girl from The Donna Reed Show who participated in three of the 31 curses of YHWH inflicted on man known as “Elvis Movies.”

But facts hold no bars to the Major, they’re only potholes on the Route 66 of life. Why recollect facts on file about girl singers just because you’ve played their songs for nearly 60 years?

Route 666 sign

Still, some remain frustrated by the Major’s ways and means. In this wondrous era of Wikipedia and the Internet, this great Googly gift from Mr. Gore, arcane information is easily accessed. The Major hints he has the ability to tap on a computer, why doesn’t he exploit it? Beats me one replies, and so they do.

Example: Miller regularly plays the Kalin Twins, teenage twins and one-hit wonders whose snappy 1958 hit When sold two million copies worldwide, reaching number five in the U.S. and going all the way to number one in England. Cheated out of their money and poorly handled, the duo abandoned the music business, yet defiantly led successful and happy lives until their eerie deaths almost exactly one year apart in 2005 and 2006, aged 71 and 72. The Major could direct his listeners to a marvelous YouTube video of a 1989 British concert when British pop idol Cliff Richard, their former opening act, invited the pair to perform a raucous and happy rendition of their sole hit to a cheering crowd of 100,000 (!) fans in Wembley Stadium.

He could, but he won’t. Here the Major stands, more he cannot do.

The Internet offers up a bounty of tales and trivia to pass along, some of it even true. Instead of digging into this mine, the Major coughs up a few hairballs about Connie Francis. Thus we conclude sadly that the Major does not groove to the happy tunes he plays. Griping about the government and taxes toots his ocarina.

Some say the hatred of government so many Radical Republicans prefer is hatred of democracy, even society, itself. Some point out that anyone complaining about elected representatives being incompetent or crooked should run for office themselves or else self-government doesn’t work.

 

Miller’s hatred of government is hatred of democracy itself

 

“The heaviest penalty for declining to rule is to be ruled by someone inferior to yourself,” Plato reminds us in The Republic. But not Major Miller. Fie on democracy! Fee on self-determination and fum on your fancy new ball park! We are not men who share, as Rabbi Jesus commands. We are New Men, we believe selfishness is a virtue, as taught by The Unsaviour, Ayn Rand and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell and Steve Bannon. Take that, you immigrant-loving liberal Jesus!

What kind of a jerk thinks that self-government might work. We need the wealthy to tell us what to do! They’re smart, that’s why they’re rich. The government is like a business, it should make someone rich so they can tell us what to do. Well why not cut to the chase and go back to having kings. They must be way smarter since they’ve been richer way longer.

“The government! Oh my stars! Don’t get me going on the government,” laments the Major routinely.

Once Miller confided to Constant Listeners his loathing for Honest Abe Lincoln because “he invented the income tax.” This is why, when our philosopher-king ends his programs with schmaltz, his patriotism is unconvincing. What kind of a patriot despises the man who saved the United States of America from its worst enemy, its bizarro imitator, the self-destructive slave-holding evil empire, the Confederate States of America? A dumb one.

Replies Major Dan with a shrug, “I guess that’s what makes the world go round.”

I heard it said in one city pub that the Major’s contempt for self-government began with his successful 1988 lawsuit against his former employer KOOK Radio. Did collecting a cool half mil, then finding out he still had to pay taxes on it turn him against democracy?

What outrage! What injustice! Why should I hand my money over to the gumamint for courts and cops and nice roads and good schools and wholesome community baseball parks when some else conveniently says I don’t have to? Like many cheapskates (hereabouts, anyway) the Major’s religious zeal is less conviction than Old Fart instinct.

We all know the Major’s go-to targets: former President Obama, Democrats, progressives, Muslims, minorities, and poor people–especially if they speak out. But his nemesis, his Lex Luthor, is former Vice President Al Gore.

As all dittoheads know, global climate change is a fraud owned by Al Gore, and why? Because he’s “made millions off that film of his!” (Capitalism, boo!) Following that zag, the Major zigs, and admits that, sure there’s climate change, it just isn’t caused by people. Then he zags back: If climate change is real, why is it cold in winter and hot in summer? Gotcha, bwa ha ha ha.

Let the Major slide, say some. His are the discords dulcet of a man long in decades, not smarts. Maybe. Maybe that is what makes the world go round.

His employer brags that Major Nibs is “Politically Incorrect- and proud of it!” But like President Tweety Brain, Miller is about as politically incorrect as Rush Limbaugh in a Speedo.

We come not to damn Dan Miller, nor to praise him– just to hear some good doo wop. Too bad Dan no longer hears the doo.

A fruit in the looms

Wall Street Editor Advises Jail for Quoting Der Furor’s Words

Dow Jones Editor-in-Chief Gerard Baker greets fellow Devil worshipers during a 2013 Disneyland covey.

Celebrating the ascension of our Furor Donald J. Trump, Gerard Baker, editor in chief of the Wall Street Journal, advised lengthy prison sentences whenever people repeat the lies told by Der Furor. 

“Donald Trump is a wealthy and powerful man. And now, as President of the United States, it is important that people fear him.”

“For example, we all know the Furor said for five years that President Barack Obama’s birth certificate was not real. Then last summer he admitted it wasn’t. For five years the Furor told a lie about Obama. But no one should be able to repeat that. I mean, it was last year, why would the media hang on to something like that?  Because they’re biased against liars, that’s why. Like Shakespeare said, anything is bad if you remember it.

“But it’s one thing to malign a rich man for telling falsehoods. And another thing to call the Furor, a liar. No one should think about stuff that happened months ago. The media should stop talking about it. And if they don’t, they should go to jail.”

Asked if he wasn’t advocating a double standard, Baker agreed.

“Of course. Of course. Rich people are smarter than other people – they’re rich. They have more money, why shouldn’t they have more rights?”

Baker was once in the running to be the Furor’s Secretary of Truth, but the position went to Steve Bannon instead, who is far crazier.

Keep Thor in Thursday, Advises Homer Simpson

Disgraced FOX character cites ‘War on Thursday’ as cause of nation’s troubles!

Bill-O (simpson)

Disgraced FOX-TV character Homer Simpson (above) plagiarized the family motto of President Grover Cleveland (Again) from the comic novel DOOM OF WEIRDS again last week.  Once a powerful TV personality, Simpson must now scream to his audience on street corners and bus stops before the cops tell him to “move it along.” Still, Simpson recognizes that America’s “War on Thursday” is responsible for most civil strife as well as the media’s resentment of Donald Trump’s usurping of power.

“The regressive secular media’s attack on Thursday as the day of the week to honor Thor is the reason for all the unrest in American society. It’s why we have Donald Trump. We must keep Thor in Thursday!”

Explore the source of Simpson’s anger in DOOM OF WEIRDS, the only novel that foresaw three years ago how a TV game show would be responsible for a wrong choice for President!

RESENTMENT IS FRUITLESS – BUT SNOOPNOLOGY IS PEACHY!