Gianforte, Daines Report Trump Groped Their Wives

Gianforte, Daines Report Trump Groped Their Wives

Montana politicians describe how they felt when The Donald engaged in some “locker room fun

Mr and Mrs Greg Gianforte

The Trump White House today confirmed that the wives of two of Montana’s three congressional representatives had their genitals groped by Donald Trump in their initial meetings.

“It’s no big deal. It’s just who he is,” said Rep. Greg Gianforte. “We knew the media would try to make some fake news out of this so we kept it quiet.”

“He doesn’t mean anything by it. This is just the way Washington works under Mr. Trump,” shrugged Senator Steve Daines. “Golly, I sure have no problem with it. Neither does Cindy, I guess.”

“Nothing Donald Trump does can be illegal,” stressed Gianforte. “He’s the president. What he says now is not campaign promises, it’s the law. You want to get a tax cut don’t you? ” He added that, like Daines, he believed his wife, Susan, also had no problems with the Mr. Trump’s busy hands.

“We both recognize the superior manliness of Donald Trump. He has a huge brain, a great brain. And he knows the best words. He knows more about fighting than all the admirals and generals,” Gianforte told LittleBigTownMT.

“And he has the biggest penis, believe me, believe me,” added Daines.

Gianforte and Daines are both Republicans. The state’s third congressman is a Democrat and immune to Trump’s tiny hands.

Huckabee Sanders: Safe from Trump grope

Asked by LittleBigtownMt to comment on the groping incidents, White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders neither denied nor affirmed them. However, she did defend her boss’ vulgar attack on the “outdated” values of good manners and morals.

“Yeah, your president is a pudenda predator. So what? Every woman who comes to the White House can expect Donald Trump to eventually paw her vagina, unless she’s a real dog. That’s just Donald Trump being Donald Trump. He’s a strong, forceful alpha male, and he’s what Americans voted for. Got a problem with that?”

Sanders then berated all mainstream media journalists who were “not smart enough to choose a profession that pays a decent salary.”

“Look kids, this is the new world order of our Furor, a man who was elected without the help of Russia, but with the biggest vote in human history. If you’re not man enough to hold your own against a childish insult from the world’s most powerful bully, then you’re a cuck like Crooked Hillary.

“Besides, President Trump only insults people who deserve it. If that hurts your feelings, then get out of politics, stay at home, and watch the Voice instead,” added the fat ugly pig.

Bozeman millionaire Gianforte was the first to detail his story to LittleBigtownMt. The incident happened after his special election win in March.

“Mr. Trump invited Susie and me down to Mar-a-Lago, his resort in Florida. It’s a beautiful place and we were quite honored. It wasn’t cheap, but it was reasonable–he thinks I’m another billionaire. Anyway, he invited us to meet him privately in the Roy Cohn Discotheque. It was just the four of us, Susie and I, Mr. Trump and his wife Harmonica. After I introduced Susie to him, he reached forward to pull her arm and said, ‘C’mere you! Ah, you’re a beauty, you really are. Lemme do this. Lemme do this. Lemme grab your pussy, okay? It’s an honor, you know, it really is. I just do it for luck now.’ And then he playfully reached underneath her dress and squeezed her bazinga.

“I think Susan responded very well by politely going ‘Whee!’ and laughing. They say that’s what Ted Cruz’ wife did. And we all laughed.

“It was all done in fun, probably,” Gianforte. “That’s what his lawyers told us. Like the White House bouncer said, ‘This is what you have to do be somebody in the Republican Party nowadays.’ I agree. I personally have no problem with the President of the United States putting his hands on my wife’s hoo-ha. But I’m sure CNN or MSNBC will wring some fake news out of it.

“Like my good friend Donald Trump Junior says, ladies who can’t take a little sexual harassment don’t belong in public.”

Victim Cindy Daines (left)

Senator Daines and his wife Cindy’s first encounter with Trump also happened at the Mar-a-Lago resort, in late December of 2016, but on the roller coaster.

“I thought it was funny that the president—he was president-elect back then–wanted to sit up front with Cindy. But that meant I got to sit in the back with Melanica. Fair trade. He told Cind he wanted to show her the ‘bone spur’ that kept him out of the Vietnam War–he winked when he said that. I still don’t know why he took his pants off. But a couple minutes later I heard her go ‘OH! I mean –Whee!’ and giggle. So, yeah, it was most likely in good fun.”

Daines and Gianforte were emphatic that they would offer no challenge to Trump’s superior masculinity.

“Donald Trump is a man, a strong man, he a real man. He’s a man with a new way of doing things. You have to let him do whatever he wants, and I want to help him. That’s why Montanans sent me here,” said Gianforte.

“All this genital-grabbing talk is nothing, just like all that Russian Collusion talk. The Democrats hate that Donald Trump is a winner. I want to be a winner too, not a loser. Losing is a sin,” Daines said.

Gianforte fairly gushed over two of Trump’s closet advisors being real live Nazis. “The late Steve Bannon and that Hungarian whiskers guy, what’s-his-name, Grabber Marx? So, when Donald promises a new world order to make America great again, he’s got a lot of Sneaky Petes who can change things, in the worst way.

“He’s a new president, with a new way of doing things. Grabbing women by the bargain basement is one. Who cares? There is no right or wrong anymore.”

Finally, Daines spoke laughingly of another brief encounter with Mr. Trump, when he threatened to have sex with his wife.

“He pulled me aside at Hobby Lobby’s  “Dixie Days” celebration for Strom Thurmond. During the open bar, he pointed to Cindy, and told me, ‘I’m gonna move on her, I know she’s married, but I don’t care. I’m gonna fuck her.’ Just like he said he would to that hot television gal, Nancy Whatsername.”

“I said — ‘But Mr. President, that’s my wife!’”

“ ‘Oh, is she? Well, no wonder she was so grateful. I’m kidding, I’m kidding,’ ” recalled Daines with a laugh that ended in a sick smile. He then recovered and added a warning.

“Donald Trump has a hands-on approach to business.  I’ll do whatever it takes to be liked. You know, Fox & Friends needs to give us a new word to describe President Donald Trump. Maybe Maybe His Greatness, or the Czar of Tweet.”

Satire makes the Nazis cry

Der Furor’s Nice Nazis Meet an American

Der Furor’s Nice Nazis Meet an American

In Der Furor’s Face

(Apologies to Spike Jones)

When Der Furor says we make dis place da greats
We heil heil right in Der Furor’s face
Not to love Der Furor is a big disgrace
Yet we heil, heil, right in Der Furor’s face

When Huckababy says Der Furor is most greats
We heil, heil, right in Ms. Huckababy’s face

When Mr Tillerman says to Rocket Man we talk

But Der Furor says no no no no no

we bomb his stinky place

We heil heil right in Der Furor’s face

Is he not the superman, Queens New York superman?
Yup he is the superman (super duper Queenieman)

Is his GOP plan so great
Would you build it if you could
Yup his GOP land is good

We would build it if we had immigrant labor to do it

He brings America to great againness
Der Furor’s America is bestest best
Everyone of foreign race
Will love Der Furor’s face
When we line them up against the Wall

Why Did Trump Fire Unterfuror Bannon?

Why Did Trump Fire Unterfuror Bannon?

[Original Post August 13, 2017. UPDATE AUGUST 18, 2017]

If  President Donald Trump wanted to distance himself from the atrocity in Charlottesville, he needed to fire “White House Chief Strategist” Steve Bannon.

And thanks to Little Big Town MT he did.

Well, we like to think so.

The United States of America should never have paid a Nazi who worked for it’s destruction. But surprisingly, Trump did. While not a Nazi himself, (He’s a Trumpist all the way), Der Furor is willing to overlook the sins of his sycophants–providing they are loyal. The white nationalists marching to defend the statue of Confederate slave-defender Robert E. Lee were Trump fans. And to Donald Trump, the only sin is not worshiping Donald Trump. Nothing else means anything.

Yet there were “many sides” at fault in Charlottesville, figures Der Furor.  Any “side” that got killed or hurt shouldn’t have been there causing trouble for the Nazis. (This advice from Bannon, claim some.)

Once again, we witnessed the triumph of Trump’s will. There is no right or wrong inside the balloon Trump uses for a soul. Morality is the pin wielded by his enemies.

And as long as Nazis and white nationalists adore Der Furor, there is no harm, no foul. That’s the strategy of chiefly keeping the whites for the Trump White House.

However, even with Bannon exiting, expect more Charlottesvilles. They still consider the Bad-Comander-in-Chief their leader. After all, Der Furor still thinks there were “nice people” marching alongside the people shouting “We will not be replaced by the Jews.”

One villain down. Only the offal in the Oval Office left. C’mon Detective Mueller your country needs you!

Boy Scout Zinke Guards His Nuts From Squirrel

Boy Scout Zinke Guards His Nuts From Squirrel

Der Furor Poops on Miss America Once Again

Is this the incident that drove Rex Tillerson bonkers?

Last July, the guy in the White House spoke to an audience of Boy Scouts at their annual jamboree. In what is traditionally an inspirational salute to common moral decency and shared American values, Der Furor once again dropped his trousers and took a shit on Miss America.

Trump used the occasion to brag about himself. Surprise. After saying who needs to talk about politics, he talked about politics. Surprise.

He used a crowd of 40,000 Boy Scouts to boo his political opponent in the last election, and insult the last president. Surprise.

He used the Boy Scouts to threaten his own now-disgraced Health and Human Services Secretary Tom “Toad” Price with firing if the Senate did not pass the health care bill he himself could not be bothered to read or promote. Surprise.

And finally, he used the occasion to brag about his sex life. That was not just a surprise, but a Noble-nominating-surprise, since the brag came hidden inside an undeserved insult to a dead but influential New York developer. That final assault on moral decency came in his lines about rich guys and yachts and how he’s “not” going to tell 40,000 boys about what rich guys do on yachts but they “know life. You know life.” You know where he’s going. He wants to talk about having sex with the ladies, or as Der Furor would put it, nailing broads. It’s all about pussy with Der Furor. Why not brag about your sex life in front of children?

Was this outrage what caused our Secretary of State to man up and call his boss a moron?

Remember when these guys made fun of Hillary Clinton for using the word deplorable?


Traitor Trump gets Impaled by Vlad

Traitor Trump gets Impaled by Vlad

Der Furor Receives Orders to Collect Voter Info from Boss Putin


Russian agent Donald Trump used a meeting with world leaders to collect further instructions from his Moscow puppet-master Vladimir Putin.

The meeting occurred in full view of the public earlier this July in Berlin.

“Der Furor is secure that the blatancy of his betrayal will be excused by his 36-percenter minions,” declared Vice President Mike Pence, not really knowing why.

“The people who voted for me are very, very loyal and very, very stupid. Exactly as Steve said they would be,” Trump explained, referring to a policy devised by his neo-Nazi former advisor and fired UnterFuror, Steve Bannon.

Following those orders just this week, Traitor Trump initiated the Soviet, I mean, Russian instructions on how to track down and punish all his opponents.

On Thursday, July 19, the Mad King gave new orders to his henchmen to collect the names, addresses, phone numbers and online names of every voter in America.

The information is scheduled to be handed over to UnterFuror Chris Kobach who will then pass the information along to his cyberthugs.

“Dick and pussy pictures,” promised Kobach with a wicked laugh. “It’s amazing how many people you can hurt with pussy  and dick shots showing up in their Facebook profile.”

“After that, the concentration camps will be built,” said Trump. “They will be beautiful, absolutely beautiful camps, let me tell you. They’ll be made in America, too. The inmates will build them. They’ll be free. I mean, no money, the inmates will work for them. Work makes you free.”

“Work makes you free! I like that,” laughed Bannon from the bottom of an apple barrel.