By Donald J. Trump
Amazingly Special to Little Big Town MT
A lot of people ask me why I’m so nice to Vladimir Putin, the dictator of Russia. Why not, I say? He’s never criticized me, in fact he’s been very nice to me. He’s called me a genius. I don’t go after people who like me. Okay okay, there is another reason. I owe the guy $440 million.
C’mon, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. It’s sarcasm, give me a break, I’m being sarcastic. Maybe not that much. Only looking over my tax returns or something would prove something like that, right? Well, guess what, I’m being audited by the IRS so I can’t show them to anybody. Only the IRS can look at them. Only the IRS and maybe a few close pals like ‘Vladimir Vladimirovich’ wink, wink.
Anyway, my Make America White Again Campaign Chairperson, Kellyanne Conway knows I have nothing to hide, which is why I’m breaking tradition of the last 60 years by not revealing my tax returns. As America’s leading conservative voice, I have to break tradition, nothing’s changing, we gotta shake stuff up in Washington. That’s why I’ll beat Crooked Hillary this November. That’s why Americans will elect me in a landslide, believe me. Believe me.
Say, hasn’t Kellyanne Conway come a long since she began working for the Trump Organization, the Make America Great Again campaign, hasn’t she folks? She really has. Especially when you think that her last boss was Ted Cruz, oy yoi yoi, what a piece of work that guy is. A liar, a liar, the biggest liar who ever lived, the definition of sleaze. He shut down the whole damn country for a month because he hates that black Kenyan guy in the White House, Barack Obama. (Obama, the black Kenyan guy who became America’s President, the greatest scam in human history BTW, absolute scam. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. He’s history, he’s history. And so’s Obamacare, whatever the hell it is.)
And Obamacare, we’ll repeal and replace Obamacare on Day One people, believe me, Day One. I don’t know what we’ll do, maybe pay for insurance for poor people, or give them discount coupons or something, I don’t know, you gotta be compassionate you know, folks, I’m all about compassion. Kellyanne will fill you in on that later, she knows how bad Obamacare is, very smart. I really like her, and you know, I’m the best judge of human character there ever was, a lot of people tell me that.
And look what Kellyanne has accomplished even though she has such little breasts. Usually flat-chested women don’t go very far in life, its true, its true, you know it is. Only in the Donald J. Trump camp! I tell it like it is, I always do, always have.
No other candidate has the guts to think about dropping a nuclear bomb on someone, only Donald J. Trump. What in the world are nuclear weapons for if you can’t use them? And they tell me, they yell at me, all these military guys, these liberals, with all their medals and experience in all those wars we didn’t need, they all tell me no, no, no you can’t even think about that, you can’t even say nuclear bomb.
And you know what I say? I say why not? Why not? Why can’t we drop a nuclear bomb on ISIS, wherever we find them? We could find them anywhere, anywhere they hide. I know this because I know this, and I know more about ISIS than all those generals, or those fake intelligence people. I don’t believe any of that shit they feed me, do you? To hell with them. Who knows, maybe we’ll find some ISIS hiding in Mexico City. What do you think, does that sounds like a plan?