Dow Jones Editor-in-Chief Gerard Baker greets fellow Devil worshipers during a 2013 Disneyland covey.

Celebrating the ascension of our Furor Donald J. Trump, Gerard Baker, editor in chief of the Wall Street Journal, advised lengthy prison sentences whenever people repeat the lies told by Der Furor. 

“Donald Trump is a wealthy and powerful man. And now, as President of the United States, it is important that people fear him.”

“For example, we all know the Furor said for five years that President Barack Obama’s birth certificate was not real. Then last summer he admitted it wasn’t. For five years the Furor told a lie about Obama. But no one should be able to repeat that. I mean, it was last year, why would the media hang on to something like that?  Because they’re biased against liars, that’s why. Like Shakespeare said, anything is bad if you remember it.

“But it’s one thing to malign a rich man for telling falsehoods. And another thing to call the Furor, a liar. No one should think about stuff that happened months ago. The media should stop talking about it. And if they don’t, they should go to jail.”

Asked if he wasn’t advocating a double standard, Baker agreed.

“Of course. Of course. Rich people are smarter than other people – they’re rich. They have more money, why shouldn’t they have more rights?”

Baker was once in the running to be the Furor’s Secretary of Truth, but the position went to Steve Bannon instead, who is far crazier.